Looking For Some Hot Sauce . . .

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As I mentioned a couple of entries ago, sometime last year, Taco Bell introduced two new sauces at their restaurants. I wrote about the Border Salsa Verde previously. The other new sauce is the Fire Roasted Border Salsa.

As was the case with the Salsa Verde, the packets of the Fire Roasted Salsa had new fortune cookie-like messages printed on them. The Salsa Verde messages seemed to have more of a humorous bent to them, with several of them relying on "green" puns. The messages on the Fire Roasted Salsa, used puns relating to fire and heat. They also seemed to be slightly . . . edgier, for lack of a better term, in their humor. At least that's the way I perceive it. Here's the list; I'll let you judge for yourself:

"Dibs on the taco."
"Give me some knuckles."
"Have your people call my people."
"I see how you look at other sauces."
"I'm a people packet."
"I'm gonna be Fire for Halloween."
"I'm not just another pretty face."
"I'm with the band."
"Is it me, or is it hot in here?"
"I've been through fire for you!"
"Let's go get matching tattoos."
"Taco me."

Okay, maybe "edgier" isn't the right word, but I'm not certain what is.

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A Sign Of Wisdom

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I'm sure if you drive by most churches, you will see an announcement sign of some sort. Most of the time, they usually post information on the sermon for the following Sunday's services. Occasionally, they will post some fortune cookie-like words of wisdom.

This is one that I saw probably back in the spring of this year. If I remember correctly, the church that posted this left it on their sign for a couple of weeks, which is probably why it has stayed in my mind:

"Tradition means protecting the fire -- not preserving the ashes."


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In Brightest Day, In Greenest Sauce

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This particular entry has been waiting to be written for some time -- probably close to a year, if I'm not mistaken.

It was about a year ago that Taco Bell introduced two new sauces at their restaurants. One of those is their Border Salsa Verde, and that is the subject of this entry.

As I said, I'm not completely certain when I first saw packets of the Border Salsa Verde at Taco Bell, but I'm pretty certain it was about this time last year. And when I picked up a couple of packets, I noticed that they had some of the fortune cookie-style messages printed on them -- just as Taco Bell has had on their sauce for a couple of years now. But as I noticed that the packets had new messages -- and that the Salsa Verde packets had messages specifically designed for the sauce.

I've been picking up packets for a few months, and by now, I'm certain that I have collected all of them -- for the moment, that is. I've found 12 different messages, and here they are in alphabetical order:

"Add a little verde to your life."
"Did the paparazzi see us together?"
"I'm green with envy."
(Yes, they are going to be big on the green puns with this set.)
"I'm not just a sauce; I'm a way of life."
"Imagine a world without sauce . . . sorry, I need a moment."
"Is green a good color on me?"
"It would be an honor to sauce your food."
"Kiss me, I'm Irish."
(And when did the Irish put colonies in Mexico?)
"Sauce has taken on a whole new greening."
"Take me to your leader."
"'Verde' is fancy for 'green.'"
"Verde (vur-day)."

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Way Too Far

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A couple of weeks ago, I found a button that I picked up at a convention . . . well, I'm not completely certain when. Let's just say that it was several years ago. I've been wearing it frequently since I rediscovered it, because it seems rather applicable right now:

"The Bill Of Rights went too far: They should have stopped at 'Congress shall make no Law.'"

As I said, it seems rather applicable, doesn't it?

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Sticker A-Peel

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A few weeks ago, I bought a bunch of bananas while I was grocery shopping. I picked up a larger bunch than I normally do, because I noticed that it had several of the "fortune-ish" stickers on the bananas. (Okay, I actually peeled off a couple of stickers from other bunches and stuck them on the bunch I bought.)

When I got home, I peeled off the stickers and placed them on an index card. That way, it would be easier to have the stickers at hand when I wrote this entry. Naturally, the card disappeared as soon as I stuck it in my backpack, and has been disappearing and reappearing on a random basis over the past few weeks.

I found the card again within the past hour, so I decided that I should write this entry now before the card decides to vanish once again. The bunch of bananas I bought had three stickers with messages on them. Here they are, for your amusement:

"100% Perfection."
(Well, at least until they start turning a little too brown.)

"Brain Fuel."
"PSSST! I'm Full of Vitamins."

And as I have done previously, the messages are capitalized just as they are on the stickers.

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Birthday Fortune From The Orange Owl

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The last time I went to Hooters (which, I should point out, was the first time I had ever eaten there), I discovered that the pre-moistened napkins they have at the tables are printed with what I call fortune-ish phrases on one side. I told myself that the next time I dined at Hooters, I would need to keep an eye out for napkins that had different phrases.

Today, I went by my local Hooters again. I had signed up for their email club, and a few days ago, I received a birthday present -- a plate of 10 free wings. I had to use the coupon within a week of my birthday, so I decided to use it today.

Once I found a table, and had settled down, I took a look at the napkins in the rack. There were a couple of packets with the same phrases that I saw last time, but I also found three new fortune-ish packets in the assortment. Here's what they said:

"58.3% of statistics are made up."
"Bartender: Pharmacist with limited inventory."
"Insomnia is nothing to lose sleep over."

Interesting birthday present, to say the least.

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A Cookie-Less Fortune

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I found this fortune entirely by accident. I was in the library today, and I happened to be looking down when I noticed a tiny slip of paper on the floor. It was the fortune from a fortune cookie -- and there wasn't a cookie anywhere to be seen.

At first, I thought it might have been one of mine. I usually stick fortunes in the neck pouch that I use to keep my TARC pass handy. They usually stay there until I write about them here. But after a quick look at said neck pouch, it didn't look as though anything had fallen out of it. And I strongly suspect that more than just a single fortune would have fallen out if anything did.

I logged on here, and I did a quick scroll through some of my most recent entries. The fortune did not appear in any of those entries, so I am fairly safe in stating that I had not written about it -- until now, that is. Here's my unexpected discovery:

"Be cautious while walking in darkness alone."

You know, that's pretty good advice most of the time. Of course, if you're Batman, or a ninja, this probably doesn't apply to you.

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What's Really Being Stamped Out?

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Back in January, I wrote about a number of other platforms that just as easily convey the brief sentiments you find in the fortune of a fortune cookie. One of those is the button.

I've picked up dozens of buttons at SF conventions over the years. It's not that hard to do, especially when the dealer prices them like "$2 each, 3 for $5" or some similar discount for multiples. At that point, it becomes a question of how many do I really want to get this time, and once I have a quantity, which ones do I really want?

I was looking through the bag where I keep my buttons, and I decided to wear this one today. It appeals to my admittedly snarky sense of humor:

"HELP STAMP OUT UNICORNS -- walk a virgin home tonight."

The cynical side of me is saying, "Yeah, what are you really wanting to stamp out, pal?" The more or less non-cynical side of me is pretty much in agreement.

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The Wisdom Of An Owl

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At the moment, I'm sitting in Hooters. Normally, I would not have thought that this particular place would be a source of research material for this particular blog. But as I was waiting for another plate of wings (I ordered the all-you-can-eat wings), I noticed the pre-moistened napkins at my table. (They're in the same rack that holds the menus and the roll of paper towels.)

On one side of the package is the Hooters logo. On the other side was a short phrase of the type that I usually tag as "fortune-ish." I found two different ones at my table this time:

"Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."

I'll have to keep my eyes open the next time I go to Hooters.

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Here A Double . . .

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As I said yesterday, I mentioned that I had pulled another fortune cookie from the big bag. I also mentioned that I didn't have the fortune with me when I was writing the entry. Well, today I remembered to bring the fortune with me. And I quickly noticed that I had another duplicate on my hands:

"You have a deep interest in all that is artistic."

And once again, everything was duplicated. The lucky numbers on both fortunes were as follows:

07 11 12 15 20 24

And on the back of both fortunes was the same Chinese word/phrase. It was "baseball," which according to this fortune, is "bong cho" in Chinese.

You know, I really hope that I am not going to be running into only a dozen or so fortunes over and over again throughout the bag. For one thing, it would kind of ruin the whole purpose of my buying the bag of fortune cookies. For another, it would get a little boring after a while. And for yet another, after a while, it's going to get a little difficult thinking up new ways to write about the same fortune yet again.

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Totally Random

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I made what I thought was a rather interesting and random discovery last night. It happened because I realized I hadn't posted anything for a couple of weeks. (Unfortunately, I don't have the fortune with me, so that entry will have to wait for tomorrow.) When I pulled a fortune cookie out of the big bag, I noticed that it might have been a little stale.

I decided that I would see if I could do something to make the cookie a little crisper. My first thought was to place it in the microwave for about 10 seconds. And that is what I did.

The results were not quite what I expected. The zapping did not make the cookie crisper. As a matter of fact, it had the opposite effect -- it became softer. In fact, the cookie became rather pliable, to the point where I could unfold it to remove the fortune.

Now, here is something you might not have known. The fortune cookie is circular. The fortune is placed in the center of the cookie, then it is folded in thirds, parallel to the long edge of the fortune. The cookie is then folded more or less in half to get the familiar shape.

I'll have to try another tactic to make the cookies crisp again. I'll keep you posted.

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Just Long Isn't Enough

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I just realized that it has been a month since I last posted something. Well, I can say that I have been busy. In any event, it looks like it's time to go back to the big bag of fortune cookies. And this time, the fortune says:

"Long life is in store for you."

Just as long as I will be able to properly enjoy that long life; that's all I'm asking.

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Missing The Mark With THAT Fortune

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Tra-la, it's May, the rainy month of May . . . well, that's what it's looking like at the moment. Last month was Louisville's wettest April on record, and it looks like May is trying to continue that theme.

I pulled a fortune cookie out of the big bag yesterday. Even though I had the fortune with me, I forgot to write about it. Well, time to correct that. The fortune from this cookie read as follows:

"You have a friendly heart and are well admired."

Okay, every once in a while, you get a fortune that leaves you wondering, because you know it can't be talking about you.

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I'm Beginning To Sense A Pattern Here

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A few days ago, I reached into the bag of fortune cookies, and once again, I encountered a fortune for the second time:

"All your hard work will soon pay off."

And as on the previous occasions, this one was a true duplicate. Here are the lucky numbers from both fortunes:

02 06 09 19 26 33

The Chinese word on the back of both was "Gift/Present," which translates (at least on the fortune) as "li woo."

Now I'm beginning to wonder. Just how many different fortunes does this bag contain? And how many duplicates will I be running into while I go through this bag of fortune cookies?

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That's A Little Reassuring

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Today, we return to the bag of fortune cookies from GFS. Here's what the latest fortune had to say:

"You should be able to make money and hold on to it."

Not if the Democrats have anything to say about it. The holding on part, anyway. They seem to think that we exist solely to fuel their fantasies of redistributing wealth.

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Interested In Art, Yes

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Earlier today, I decided that it was time to reach into the big bag of fortune cookies once again. Instead of just grabbing a cookie from the top of the bag, I reached down a little for today's fortune:

"You have a deep interest in all that is artistic."

That rather depends on how you define art. A crucifix in a bottle of urine isn't art; it's just someone's calculated attempt to see if he can get some people really, really irritated. And a really piss-poor one at that.

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It Did Wish More Than Once

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I dipped into the big bag of fortune cookies earlier today, and I pulled out another fortune that I previously encountered:

"If you wish to, you will have an opportunity."

And as was the case with the last duplicate I pulled out of this bag, it was a true duplicate. The lucky numbers on both fortunes were:

20 21 32 33 45 51

And this time, the mini-lesson in Chinese was a phrase. The phrase was "Have you any question?", which was transliterated as "NI you wenti ma?"

As for the fortune, yes, I would really wish to have an opportunity. Please have it shipped to my condo by UPS. Thank you very much.

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Greetings Of The Day

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As I've mentioned before, today is not the best time for a new entry here. With half the Internet trying to pull some kind of joke on the other half, April Fools Day is never a good time to mention whatever fortune I most recently found in a fortune cookie.

If I found something completely outrageous, or incredibly funny, no one is going to believe me. One look at the date stamp, and the response is, "Yeah, right."

On the other hand, something completely run-of-the-mill is likely to be met with disbelief as well. Again, a quick glance at the date stamp (assuming that you're not fully aware of what the day is) earns a response of, "Is that the best you could do?"

So, I've decided that the best approach is to acknowledge the day, and state that I'm taking the day off from engaging in fortune cookie philosophy. Other than not posting an entry. But I do feel the urge to post something.

And since I conclude my April Fools Day entries with an observation or bit of advice on the day, here's my thought this year:

April Fools Day is the one day of the year when everyone seems to think they are Allen Funt.

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Get Back To Where You Once Belong

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As I've mentioned in the last couple of entries, I had been cleaning my condo in a semi-mad frenzied rush. I've been taking a break since last Thursday, mainly because I was just a little burned out, and I was needing something to restore what I laughingly refer to as my sanity.

Early this morning, I walked by the big bag of fortune cookies, and decided that it was time to pull out another cookie. I saw one on top that was partially broken, and further decided that it would be the cookie of the day. (For some reason, these cookies are not individually wrapped. I suspect that by the time I reach the end of the bag, I will be faced with a layer of fortune cookie fragments.)

Here is the fortune from today's cookie:

"You should be able to undertake and complete anything."

Hmmmm . . . I think the cookie is telling me that it's time to get back to cleaning.

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A Baci For Destressing

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In my last entry, I mentioned that I was in the process of cleaning my condo. I still haven't completed it, but at least the main reason for doing so is out of the way.

I had spent most of the last couple of weeks trying to clean the place. I won't go into details, but I was doing this because someone was paying a visit that lasted, at most, 15 minutes. I also spent a good portion of the last couple of weeks stressing out over the visit, for two reasons. First, there was the reason for the visit, which, as I said, I would rather not mention the sordid details. Second, I'm not really not that good a housekeeper. In fact, my housecleaning skills do not come up to the high exacting standards of Oscar Madison.

Yesterday was the visit, and I was cleaning up until about 10 minutes before my visitor arrived. At that point, I realized that I had completed as much as was going to be completed. And it was time to face the visit itself.

As you perhaps may have already guessed, I don't entertain. In fact, I tend to stress out when someone else is in my condo, which probably explains my somewhat . . . relaxed attitude toward housecleaning. If I remember correctly, the last person in my condo (other than me, of course) was a plumber sometime last year.

By the time my visitor left, I was in need of something to destress me. I recently read that two good ways of dealing with stress were sex and chocolate. Well, one of those is not a viable alternative, and it would probably take more chocolate than I could comfortably consume to ameliorate my stress levels at the time. Fortunately, simply getting out of the condo for a few hours handled things quite nicely.

While I was doing the cleaning, I discovered a box of Baci that had gotten buried under some other stuff. The box (and they) were slightly smashed, but were otherwise all right.

Unwrapping these Baci proved to be a slight challenge. After all, I didn't want to damage the love notes underneath the foil. And I was rewarded for my efforts with these notes:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire . . . But never doubt my love." -- William Shakespeare
"The woman does not exist of whose beauty all men shall agree upon." -- G. Leopardi

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I Really Hope So

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I pulled another fortune cookie out of the bag today. Here's the fortune:

"All your hard work will soon pay off."

At the moment, I'm in the process of cleaning my condo. It will be nice when the payoff does finally arrive.

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I Hope It Wishes More Than Once

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I felt in the mood, so I pulled another fortune cookie from the bag. Here's today's fortune:

"If you wish to, you will have an opportunity."

Okay, I'm wishing. Among other things, I'm wishing that I will recognize said opportunity once it finally appears.

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I Hope She's Cute, Too

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Time once again to reach into the mailbag . . . uh, make that the big bag of fortune cookies. Here's the fortune that was in today's cookie:

"Your future brings cheerful company and merry times."

I'm hoping that said cheerful company is female, and the merry times include the sharing of fortunes from fortune cookies.

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Feeling Like Karen Carpenter

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I reached into the big bag with just the slightest amount of trepidation. I couldn't get the same fortune three times in a row, could I? What were the odds on that happening? (Yeah, I know the quote: "Never tell me the odds!")

As it turns out, there was an entirely different fortune in this cookie:

"Soon you will be sitting on the top of the world."

Okay. And will I be looking down on creation while I'm on the top of the world?


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Not A Sad Song, Either

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When I came up with the idea of Project GFS1, I figured that I would encounter a duplicate fortune. The bag did start with 160 fortune cookies; it would be reasonable to assume that there are at least a couple of duplicates in the bag.

I just didn't think it would happen this quickly.

Here's the fortune from the cookie I pulled out of the bag yesterday:

"Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances."

Not only is the fortune the same; this time, it is an exact duplicate. The lucky numbers are the same:

06 13 17 25 43 46

And you might notice that some fortune cookies teach you a word or two of Chinese. The fortunes in these cookies do, and the word was the same in both instances. The word was "chopstick," which they transliterated as quite ze.

Time to start wondering how soon it will be before I encounter another duplicate. Or is encountering a triplicate too far-fetched to contemplate?

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