Guess What Today Is?

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In case you haven't noticed it yet, today is April Fools Day. The one day where, even if I have discovered the most amazing fortune ever, I have decided not to share it with you until the following day, because I want people to believe what I'm writing.

There's a good reason I've have taken this stance. I am something of a practical joker, and I have managed to pull off more than a few spectacular jokes on this date. And I thought that this year, I might share what I thought was one of my best jokes. It was certainly one of my most successful.

This happened many, many years ago. The victim was a friend of mine who I will call Bob (because that happened to be his name). Bob was the proprietor of a comic store, and among the other things he sold were back issues of Playboy (to those over 18, of course). He was also a collector of Playboy, and I seem to remember him mentioning that he had quite a few early issues.

Well, one April 1, I went into his store, and after the usual greetings, I said, "Hey, Bob, I heard something that I though would interest you." (Keep in mind that this was several years before the Internet.)

"Oh, what's that?" he asked.

"I heard something interesting about an upcoming centerfold in Playboy. I heard that this Playmate Of The Month is a former nun, and I heard that in at least part of her layout, she's going to be wearing part of her old habit."

I must admit, I was surprised that Bob was falling for this, but I had sucked him in completely with my story. I then added, "Oh, Bob, one other thing."

"What's that?"

"April Fools."

Now I think you may understand why I choose not to post any fortunes on April 1. If I'm writing about something completely absurd, I want you to know that I'm not making it up.

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Whirl Away!

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Earlier this week, I was going by a church near my condo, and I saw the following message on their sign:

"Visualize world peace."

I have seen this sentiment expressed in a number of ways over the years. Besides that sign, I have seen it on buttons, T-shirts, and bumper stickers. I remember that at one place where I worked, a receptionist had the message on her desk. If I'm remembering correctly, it was on a paperweight. I do remember that it was readily seen by anyone walking by her desk.

But I suppose the thing that comes to mind most readily whenever I see that message is something similar that I saw on a button. It was one of dozens upon dozens of buttons that you can find for sale at any SF convention. Most of the messages will, of course, have something to do with the genre -- something like "Captain Archer, why did you just say, 'Oh, boy'?"

But in this case, the message was a somewhat snarky twist on the message above. I will admit, at first, I didn't get it, mainly because I don't think I had seen "Visualize world peace" previously. But the dealer explained it, and I quickly understood. And now, I cannot see that message without this version quickly coming to mind:

"Visualize whirled peas."

Oh, and that receptionist I mentioned? I wrote the alternate version on a sheet of paper, and when I went by her desk, I gestured to her paperweight, saying, "I've got another version of that." I showed her the paper, and she started laughing.

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Totally Random

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I made what I thought was a rather interesting and random discovery last night. It happened because I realized I hadn't posted anything for a couple of weeks. (Unfortunately, I don't have the fortune with me, so that entry will have to wait for tomorrow.) When I pulled a fortune cookie out of the big bag, I noticed that it might have been a little stale.

I decided that I would see if I could do something to make the cookie a little crisper. My first thought was to place it in the microwave for about 10 seconds. And that is what I did.

The results were not quite what I expected. The zapping did not make the cookie crisper. As a matter of fact, it had the opposite effect -- it became softer. In fact, the cookie became rather pliable, to the point where I could unfold it to remove the fortune.

Now, here is something you might not have known. The fortune cookie is circular. The fortune is placed in the center of the cookie, then it is folded in thirds, parallel to the long edge of the fortune. The cookie is then folded more or less in half to get the familiar shape.

I'll have to try another tactic to make the cookies crisp again. I'll keep you posted.

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Greetings Of The Day

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As I've mentioned before, today is not the best time for a new entry here. With half the Internet trying to pull some kind of joke on the other half, April Fools Day is never a good time to mention whatever fortune I most recently found in a fortune cookie.

If I found something completely outrageous, or incredibly funny, no one is going to believe me. One look at the date stamp, and the response is, "Yeah, right."

On the other hand, something completely run-of-the-mill is likely to be met with disbelief as well. Again, a quick glance at the date stamp (assuming that you're not fully aware of what the day is) earns a response of, "Is that the best you could do?"

So, I've decided that the best approach is to acknowledge the day, and state that I'm taking the day off from engaging in fortune cookie philosophy. Other than not posting an entry. But I do feel the urge to post something.

And since I conclude my April Fools Day entries with an observation or bit of advice on the day, here's my thought this year:

April Fools Day is the one day of the year when everyone seems to think they are Allen Funt.

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Happenstance, Coincidence, . . . ?

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"Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life."

This makes the second time that I have discovered the same fortune twice in a batch of fortune cookies that I have bought. Granted, this isn't going to happen to most people. Most people probably aren't going to be picking up fortune cookies in bulk. Or if they are, the odds are more likely that they will probably be doing it for a party, and that they will not be opening all the cookies by themselves.

The last time this happened to me, I decided that the odds on something like this happening were along the lines of "astronomical." I also said that getting more specific would take someone like Charlie Eppes of the TV series Numb3rs to do the actual math.

Obviously, I need to redefine my idea of astronomical odds.

At the moment, I'm thinking of Ian Fleming's Goldfinger, and a line from the titular character: "Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action." I've seen a number of variations on this theme; one that might fit this instance more accurately is, "Once is an event, twice is circumstance, three times is a pattern."

It didn't surprise me the first time I encountered a fortune for the second time. I suspect that this sort of thing happens more often than people realize. I'm just noticing it because I hang on to my fortunes. Getting two at the same time was surprising -- and having it happen twice was even more so. Now, I find myself wondering how long it might be before it happens again.

I suppose the answer to that question depends on how often I buy a batch of fortunes.

Like the other duplicates, this pair had different sets of lucky numbers. But this particular company printed two sets of numbers on the back. One was "Daily Numbers," which was numbers for Pick 3, while the other set was the usual set of six numbers. Here's the numbers listed on one fortune:

Daily Numbers: 8 5 5
Lotto: 25 18 38 32 23 37

And here are the numbers from the other fortune:

Daily Numbers: 0 3 4
Lotto: 21 31 08 05 46 12

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Other Fortune Platforms

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A little over a month ago, I posted my first working definition of "Fortune Cookie Philosophy." I have been giving the matter some additional thought since then, and I thought it might be a good idea to write about those musings while they are still more or less on my mind.

Of course, there are similar platforms for conveying the same ideas that you can find in the fortune of a fortune cookie. The first that comes to mind is the bumper sticker. It's even the same basic shape as the fortune. You probably don't find anything particularly profound on a bumper sticker, though. It's probably not a good idea, come to think of it; you probably don't want to be distracting the driver behind you too much at 70 MPH. Which means that you're more likely to find something along the lines of "My Labrador retriever is smarter than your honor student" than "What's hidden in an empty box?"

A platform more likely to mirror the fortune cookie is the button. I have amassed quite the collection of buttons over the years. I acquired most of them at the dealers rooms of many science fiction conventions, and as you might suspect, those do reflect the genre. Like this one from the early 1990s: "Mr. Data, did you just say, 'Oh, Boy!'?" In my mind, though, the passage of a few years would provide a funnier version: "Captain Archer, why did you just say, 'Oh, Boy!'?"

I think one of the best buttons I have seen was one that my brother picked up in England many years ago. It said, "If God had not wanted us to make dirty jokes, He would have come up with a more dignified means of reproducing the species." I love the understated humor, and I have found that it's impossible to read that line aloud in anything other than a British accent.

Finally, we have the T-shirt. Now, there is one big difference with this platform for espousing fortune cookie philosophy. You have just a little more room to express yourself, which can lead to something similar to the T-shirt I saw that begins, "Stop Reading This!" From that beginning, it goes on in smaller letters saying things like, "Seriously, I mean it. Stop reading now. Why are you still reading this?"

Of course, you can still use it to prove that brevity is indeed the soul of wit. For instance, there is the T-shirt that simply says, "Sorry Yet?" The O in sorry is the logo of Obama's 2008 campaign. (For the record, I was sorry as soon as the election results were announced. But if you think things are really screwed up, don't blame me -- I voted for John McCain.)

I have mentioned other platforms from time to time, in the entries with the "fortune-ish" tag. But these are three I haven't mentioned before, and thought were worth mentioning.

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A Working Definition . . . Maybe

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Ever since I started The Janus Files 2, I have been trying to think of a good (and reasonably brief) definition of the topic of this blog, which is, of course, "Fortune Cookie Philosophy." I mean, the phrase is probably one of those things that I hope makes the light bulb in your head turn on immediately. You'll see the phrase and think, Okay, I get it! On the other hand, if I were to press you for a definition, It might not be so easy to verbalize.

Have I confused everyone yet? I sincerely hope not.

In any event, I have been trying to put together a definition that makes sense (or something resembling it) to me. And I think I may have something that more or less fits my view of the term. So, here we go:

Fortune Cookie Philosophy is a collection of brief words of wisdom, quotes, or advice that can easily fit on the slip of paper tucked into a fortune cookie, or similar small space.

Hmmm . . . that is coming close to my ideal definition. I think it's the best I can do at the moment. Let's call it a work in progress.

I hope all of you are having a very Merry Christmas. Or as some of my Jewish friends would say, Happy Chinese Dinner And A Movie Day.

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No Fortunes Today

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Even if I had eaten Chinese every day for the past week or more, I wouldn't be writing about it today. (As it happens, I haven't, so that isn't a factor for consideration. But I digress.)

If you haven't noticed, today is April Fools Day. To my way of thinking, this is far from the best day to be writing about something like fortunes. I mean, I could write the most outlandish story imaginable about an experience at a Chinese restaurant. And even if it were the absolute, complete, and unvarnished truth, someone out there would be saying, "Yeah, right. I know what today is."

On a similar note, I my last visit to a Chinese restaurant could have yielded one of the most incredibly funny fortunes that I have ever found in a fortune cookie. And again, there would be someone questioning the veracity of my entry, just by invoking today's date. Take a look at the previous entry, for instance. Would you believe it really happened that way if I posted it on April Fools Day?

On the other hand, I could write about finding the most mundane and commonplace of fortunes in a fortune cookie, and the response would be, "You couldn't come up with something better for April Fools Day?"

There's just no pleasing some people.

So, rather than trying to do either, I will simply leave you with my own observation of the day. Ponder its lesson well, Grasshopper:

Even the most sincere and serious of trusted friends may reveal a wickedly humorous streak on April Fools Day.

I hope you haven't been tricked too bad today.

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Numerical Curiosity

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"Working together works."

This was the first fortune that I encountered a second time. Its brevity was probably why I did a search of my earlier entries when I found it in a cookie for a second time. It was short enough where I realized that this was no mere feeling of deja vu -- I really had seen this fortune before.

It wasn't until earlier this week that I decided to take another look at the actual fortunes. Since I started this particular online journal, I have been keeping the fortunes in an envelope. (Right now, it's just your standard #10 envelope, but sooner or later, I suspect I will need something much larger.) I took the fortunes out of the envelope, and carefully began sifting through them until I found the two with that fortune given above.

After encountering the same fortune twice for a second time, I was now more than a little curious. I remembered that the fortunes had "lucky numbers," but I was now wondering if there were two different sets of numbers, or if by some chance the "lucky numbers" were the same.

As I quickly discovered, there were two sets of "lucky numbers" on the two fortunes. That leads me to conclude that wherever the fortunes are printed, they probably go through two different printings. The first printing is for the actual fortune, and the second pass through the printer (on the reverse side) is for the numbers. (That's my best guess, anyway.)

In any case, here are the "lucky numbers" that appeared on one of the duplicate fortunes:

13 17 55 27 18 50

Its twin had this set of numbers:

48 05 36 27 08 19

I'm still trying to decide if this is a sign that I should play either of these sets of numbers.

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The Wisdom Of Yogi

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"You are imaginative in using your skills. Apply this next week."

In a previous entry, I mentioned getting a fortune cookie with the exact same fortune that I got . . . well, it was some time ago. When I got it the second time, I wondered what the odds were on one person getting the same fortune twice.

After yesterday's entry, I am going to have to revise that thought. Now, I have to wonder what the odds are on getting the same fortune twice at the same time.

Okay, I realize that my situation is just a little out of the ordinary. Most people are not going to be buying fortune cookies by the half dozen, the way that I did. And don't know if there is anyone else who writes about the fortunes he or she finds in fortune cookies.

Still, there is a situation that is at least somewhat similar to what I just encountered. Take a group of friends who get together for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. At the end of the dinner, when the waitress brings out the fortune cookies, what are the odds that two of them would get cookies with the same fortune in them?

I suspect that "astronomical" would probably be a fair estimate. Getting a better idea would more than likely require a mathematical genius, like Charlie Eppes of Numb3rs. And sorry, but my mathematical skills don’t come anywhere near that level.

Like most fortune cookies, these fortunes came with sets of "lucky numbers" for playing the lottery. I checked the back of these two fortunes, and found two different sets of numbers. The numbers on one fortune were:

08 15 24 37 41 43

The numbers on the other fortune were:

11 16 20 21 28 41

I didn't think about checking the numbers on my other set of twin fortunes. I may have to go back and do that, just to satisfy my curiosity.

Yogi Berra might have been right. This sounds like a case of deja vu all over again.

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Taking Time Out

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Yes, I have material for a new entry. I've decided to save it until tomorrow, though.

Why? Just take a look at the calendar. That's right, it's April Fools Day.

I decided that if I posted a fortune today, there might be a good chance that someone would be thinking, "No, you really didn't find that in your fortune cookie!" And I can't say that I would blame you, either.

Besides, if I were going to be really serious about an April Fools Day joke here, it would take some planning. I want it to be remembered as something spectacular, not something that fell flatter than a pancake.

So, enjoy the day. And I just thought of one bit of advice that would be the perfect fortune for today:

Take everything you hear or read on April 1 with an appropriately sized grain of salt.

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No Wrong Way To Eat A Fortune Cookie?

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Do you have any particular pattern when it comes to eating a fortune cookie? Is there any particular ritual that you use for eating the cookie, and reading the fortune?

With me, it depends on the circumstances surrounding the meal. If I'm eating alone, I will usually stuff the fortune cookie (still wrapped) in my backpack or in my pocket. I tend to wait until I get home before I unwrap the cookie, break it open, eat the cookie, and read the fortune. I find this especially true since I started this particular online journal.

If I have bought a batch of cookies at the mall's food court, I get them in a bag. The bag definitely goes in the backpack, and I wait until I'm home. Then, it's a case of waiting until I have more than a few free moments, and I crack them open all at once. (It usually helps if I'm in the mood for a little snack.)

In both cases, it's a matter of keeping track of the fortunes. I don't want to lose them, or have them scattered to some distant corner of my condo, so I open the cookies where I can keep them at hand while I write an entry.

If I'm eating with friends . . . well, that's a different matter. If we're eating Chinese (or Korean, or at any other Asian restaurant that gives you a fortune cookie at the end of the meal), we share the fortunes with each other.

There is even a particular ritual one group of friends uses for sharing our fortunes. One person starts by picking one person in the group at random, and asks that person a question. The person being questioned replies by reading his or her fortune. He or she then asks another person a question. This continues until the first questioner is asked the last question, and replies with the fortune from his or her cookie.

Are there any other interesting fortune cookie rituals out there?

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What's In The Name?

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As you can clearly see from the top of the page, the subtitle of this site is “Fortune Cookie Philosophy.” Catchy title, don’t you think? I thought it was, in any case. But what exactly do I mean by “Fortune Cookie Philosophy”?

I’ll tell you what; I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out myself.

A few decades ago, someone said that while he couldn’t define pornography, he knew what it was when he saw it. I hope that won’t be the case here.

I suppose one of the key things I noticed a long time ago about the fortunes in fortune cookies is that they try to impart some words of wisdom in just one brief sentence. Maybe that is also the key to defining fortune cookie philosophy.


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Missed Opportunity

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I missed an opportunity a couple of weeks ago. But to be honest, I didn't think they would sell out completely.

Okay, that probably doesn't make sense at the moment. Trust me, it will very shortly.

If you spent any time in the candy aisle during the past few weeks, you will have noticed that, among other things, Hershey had Valentine's Day versions of some of its candy products. What particularly interested me was the Valentine's Day version of the Special Dark Kisses. Hershey does something with those Kisses that it doesn’t do with any of the other Valentine’s Day Kisses.

It's what they do with the flags, the plumes. Those little paper streamers that stick out of the top of the foil wrapping. Most of the year, the flags for the Special Dark Kisses simply have "Dark" printed on them. But for Valentine's Day, Hershey uses flags that have Valentine's Day messages printed on them. Not quite the fortunes in a fortune cookie, but I suppose you could call them a close relative.

As I recall, there were six different messages. "Be My Valentine" and "I Love You" are two of the messages, but those are the only ones that come to mind at the moment.

I was waiting for February 15, when all of the Valentine's Day candy gets discounted 50%, and I was going to get a bag then. But when I went to acquire a bag, I discovered that the Special Dark Kisses had all disappeared from the shelves. Oh, there was plenty of Valentine's Day candy; just not the Special Dark Kisses. And I checked several different stores.

So, it looks like I will have to wait until 2009 to write an entry on those messages.

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