Just Think About It

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I found another one of the Fantasm buttons a few days ago.  I think it may be my favorite of the bunch, and I've been wearing it for the past couple of days.  I mentioned that some of the buttons are on the edgy side, and this is definitely one of those:

"Klingons don't need ribbed condoms."

Think about it for a few minutes.  And please finish all drinks before you start thinking.  I will not be responsible for anything that might have to be cleaned off your monitor.

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Fantasmic!

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Several years ago, I remember picking up a number of buttons from one table at Chattacon (a convention held in Chattanooga).  This particular table was run by Fantasm, a convention that billed themselves as "the convention your mother warned you about."  (I don't think Fantasm is being held anymore.  If I'm not mistaken, they have been succeeded by another convention called Frolicon.)

The Fantasm buttons were . . . shall we say, just little edgier than most of the buttons you might find at a convention.  And for me, that was part of the attraction.  To give you an example, this one is probably the least edgy of the bunch:

"The gene pool could use some Clorox."

Just imagine what some of the others say.  Or you don't have to; I'll be writing about them sooner or later.

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Neither Has Heinlein, For That Matter

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I came across another button a few days ago, and I've been wearing it.  I definitely need to keep this one close at hand, particularly when I have those occasional bouts of writer's block:

"So I haven't been writing lately.  Neither has Shakespeare."

Unfortunately, no one has done a double take to read this button, at least not yet.  And that's part of the fun of wearing a button like this -- the reaction someone has when they read it.

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Soaring With Daffy

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I was in a store yesterday when I heard one of those things that just stick in your mind.  It was a quote that I found quite memorable, and definitely something that falls into what I have dubbed "fortune cookie philosophy."  I happened to overhear one of the staff saying this:

"It's hard to be a peacock when your co-worker is Daffy Duck."

I actually asked her to repeat what she had said, just so I could be completely certain that I had heard what I thought I heard.  Yes, I had heard what I thought I heard, and it was just as funny the second time.

I've heard the sentiment before, though expressed in a slightly different form:  "It's hard to soar with eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys."  But you have to admit, saying it this way is so much more memorable.

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The Power Of Imagination

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I've been wearing a button for at two or three weeks now.  I've been meaning to write about it for some time now, but it seems that every time I'm on Blogger, I completely forget about the button, even though it's on my chest.

Well, this time, that's not going to happen.  I've removed it from my shirt for the moment, and sitting on the table right next to my laptop where I can clearly see it.

This is another button that I picked up at a convention many years ago.  And I think what it says is something that just about every fan of SF would readily agree with:

"In the world of words, the imagination is one of the forces of nature."

The imagination is the power that draws us into the genre in the beginning.  What the writer's imagination has produced sparks something in us, and with some of us, urges us into harnessing that force of nature ourselves.

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Sounds Right To Me

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I was on my way to the library a few days ago when I went past a church.  On its sign was a message that brought a smile to my face:

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should continue."

I really don't need to add anything else this time, do I?

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Love, Dove®

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I had acquired some Dove Promises a few months ago. I'm not completely certain where, though. this was not a case of buying a bag of Promises; this was more like being given a bunch.

In any case, when I unwrapped them, I noticed that M&M/Mars was still printing messages on the inside of the foil wrappers of each chocolate. I also noticed that in the lower right corner of the message was the signature, "Love, Dove." (The Dove should be followed by the registered trademark symbol -- the R in a circle -- but my laptop doesn't have a numeric keypad that would let me type in the code for that symbol.)

I've been carrying around three of the wrappers for a couple of weeks, because I have been planning to share them here. And as the saying goes, there's no time like the present, so here they are:

"Be a little naughty with your nice."
"Find your passion."
"You're gorgeous."

Okay, maybe that last one really doesn't apply to me that well.

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Whirl Away!

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Earlier this week, I was going by a church near my condo, and I saw the following message on their sign:

"Visualize world peace."

I have seen this sentiment expressed in a number of ways over the years. Besides that sign, I have seen it on buttons, T-shirts, and bumper stickers. I remember that at one place where I worked, a receptionist had the message on her desk. If I'm remembering correctly, it was on a paperweight. I do remember that it was readily seen by anyone walking by her desk.

But I suppose the thing that comes to mind most readily whenever I see that message is something similar that I saw on a button. It was one of dozens upon dozens of buttons that you can find for sale at any SF convention. Most of the messages will, of course, have something to do with the genre -- something like "Captain Archer, why did you just say, 'Oh, boy'?"

But in this case, the message was a somewhat snarky twist on the message above. I will admit, at first, I didn't get it, mainly because I don't think I had seen "Visualize world peace" previously. But the dealer explained it, and I quickly understood. And now, I cannot see that message without this version quickly coming to mind:

"Visualize whirled peas."

Oh, and that receptionist I mentioned? I wrote the alternate version on a sheet of paper, and when I went by her desk, I gestured to her paperweight, saying, "I've got another version of that." I showed her the paper, and she started laughing.

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Another Christmas Wish

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There was one other sign with a Christmas wish that has stuck in my mind. And yes, I know that Christmas was almost a week ago. If I don't mention it now, I'll probably forget about it by the time December 2012 rolls around.

This sign was in front of another school in Louisville; Assumption High School, to be precise. And like the message on Goldsmith Elementary's sign, I'm guessing that the message won't be changed until after everyone comes back to school. I'm guessing that will be this coming Tuesday or Wednesday at the earliest. I liked the wording of this particular sign message, which is probably it has stuck with me:

"May love light the world at Christmas."

As with the other sign, it's probably something that should be kept in mind throughout the year, not just at Christmas.

I hope all of you have a Happy New Year.

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Christmas Wishes

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I trust all of you are having a very Merry Christmas. at the very least, I'm hoping that you're enjoying the day off.

I thought that today, I would share something I've been seeing on a sign for the past couple of weeks. The sign belongs to Goldsmith Elementary School, which is only a few blocks away from where I live. Since it's on the way to my local library branch, I usually see it at least a couple of times a day.

If I'm not too mistaken, this message was put on the sign outside the main entrance during the first week of December. At this point, I'm guessing that the message will stay there until after the beginning of the new year:

"Children need your presence more than they need your presents."

Probably a good thing to keep in mind year-round, and not just at Christmas.

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Stuck On Me

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When I got home last night, I stopped by my mailbox on the way up to my condo. For reasons unknown to me, someone had placed a refrigerator magnet on my mailbox. I had to remove it before I could open my mailbox, and after looking at it, I decided to take it with me.

The magnet was much like many of the buttons I have. It bore a short message that falls into the category of what I have dubbed "fortune-ish." And it appealed to my sense of humor:

"I can only please one person per day. Today I choose me."

As I said, that's going on my refrigerator.

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Looking For Some Hot Sauce . . .

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As I mentioned a couple of entries ago, sometime last year, Taco Bell introduced two new sauces at their restaurants. I wrote about the Border Salsa Verde previously. The other new sauce is the Fire Roasted Border Salsa.

As was the case with the Salsa Verde, the packets of the Fire Roasted Salsa had new fortune cookie-like messages printed on them. The Salsa Verde messages seemed to have more of a humorous bent to them, with several of them relying on "green" puns. The messages on the Fire Roasted Salsa, used puns relating to fire and heat. They also seemed to be slightly . . . edgier, for lack of a better term, in their humor. At least that's the way I perceive it. Here's the list; I'll let you judge for yourself:

"Dibs on the taco."
"Give me some knuckles."
"Have your people call my people."
"I see how you look at other sauces."
"I'm a people packet."
"I'm gonna be Fire for Halloween."
"I'm not just another pretty face."
"I'm with the band."
"Is it me, or is it hot in here?"
"I've been through fire for you!"
"Let's go get matching tattoos."
"Taco me."

Okay, maybe "edgier" isn't the right word, but I'm not certain what is.

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A Sign Of Wisdom

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I'm sure if you drive by most churches, you will see an announcement sign of some sort. Most of the time, they usually post information on the sermon for the following Sunday's services. Occasionally, they will post some fortune cookie-like words of wisdom.

This is one that I saw probably back in the spring of this year. If I remember correctly, the church that posted this left it on their sign for a couple of weeks, which is probably why it has stayed in my mind:

"Tradition means protecting the fire -- not preserving the ashes."


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In Brightest Day, In Greenest Sauce

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This particular entry has been waiting to be written for some time -- probably close to a year, if I'm not mistaken.

It was about a year ago that Taco Bell introduced two new sauces at their restaurants. One of those is their Border Salsa Verde, and that is the subject of this entry.

As I said, I'm not completely certain when I first saw packets of the Border Salsa Verde at Taco Bell, but I'm pretty certain it was about this time last year. And when I picked up a couple of packets, I noticed that they had some of the fortune cookie-style messages printed on them -- just as Taco Bell has had on their sauce for a couple of years now. But as I noticed that the packets had new messages -- and that the Salsa Verde packets had messages specifically designed for the sauce.

I've been picking up packets for a few months, and by now, I'm certain that I have collected all of them -- for the moment, that is. I've found 12 different messages, and here they are in alphabetical order:

"Add a little verde to your life."
"Did the paparazzi see us together?"
"I'm green with envy."
(Yes, they are going to be big on the green puns with this set.)
"I'm not just a sauce; I'm a way of life."
"Imagine a world without sauce . . . sorry, I need a moment."
"Is green a good color on me?"
"It would be an honor to sauce your food."
"Kiss me, I'm Irish."
(And when did the Irish put colonies in Mexico?)
"Sauce has taken on a whole new greening."
"Take me to your leader."
"'Verde' is fancy for 'green.'"
"Verde (vur-day)."

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Way Too Far

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A couple of weeks ago, I found a button that I picked up at a convention . . . well, I'm not completely certain when. Let's just say that it was several years ago. I've been wearing it frequently since I rediscovered it, because it seems rather applicable right now:

"The Bill Of Rights went too far: They should have stopped at 'Congress shall make no Law.'"

As I said, it seems rather applicable, doesn't it?

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Sticker A-Peel

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A few weeks ago, I bought a bunch of bananas while I was grocery shopping. I picked up a larger bunch than I normally do, because I noticed that it had several of the "fortune-ish" stickers on the bananas. (Okay, I actually peeled off a couple of stickers from other bunches and stuck them on the bunch I bought.)

When I got home, I peeled off the stickers and placed them on an index card. That way, it would be easier to have the stickers at hand when I wrote this entry. Naturally, the card disappeared as soon as I stuck it in my backpack, and has been disappearing and reappearing on a random basis over the past few weeks.

I found the card again within the past hour, so I decided that I should write this entry now before the card decides to vanish once again. The bunch of bananas I bought had three stickers with messages on them. Here they are, for your amusement:

"100% Perfection."
(Well, at least until they start turning a little too brown.)

"Brain Fuel."
"PSSST! I'm Full of Vitamins."

And as I have done previously, the messages are capitalized just as they are on the stickers.

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Birthday Fortune From The Orange Owl

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The last time I went to Hooters (which, I should point out, was the first time I had ever eaten there), I discovered that the pre-moistened napkins they have at the tables are printed with what I call fortune-ish phrases on one side. I told myself that the next time I dined at Hooters, I would need to keep an eye out for napkins that had different phrases.

Today, I went by my local Hooters again. I had signed up for their email club, and a few days ago, I received a birthday present -- a plate of 10 free wings. I had to use the coupon within a week of my birthday, so I decided to use it today.

Once I found a table, and had settled down, I took a look at the napkins in the rack. There were a couple of packets with the same phrases that I saw last time, but I also found three new fortune-ish packets in the assortment. Here's what they said:

"58.3% of statistics are made up."
"Bartender: Pharmacist with limited inventory."
"Insomnia is nothing to lose sleep over."

Interesting birthday present, to say the least.

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What's Really Being Stamped Out?

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Back in January, I wrote about a number of other platforms that just as easily convey the brief sentiments you find in the fortune of a fortune cookie. One of those is the button.

I've picked up dozens of buttons at SF conventions over the years. It's not that hard to do, especially when the dealer prices them like "$2 each, 3 for $5" or some similar discount for multiples. At that point, it becomes a question of how many do I really want to get this time, and once I have a quantity, which ones do I really want?

I was looking through the bag where I keep my buttons, and I decided to wear this one today. It appeals to my admittedly snarky sense of humor:

"HELP STAMP OUT UNICORNS -- walk a virgin home tonight."

The cynical side of me is saying, "Yeah, what are you really wanting to stamp out, pal?" The more or less non-cynical side of me is pretty much in agreement.

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The Wisdom Of An Owl

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At the moment, I'm sitting in Hooters. Normally, I would not have thought that this particular place would be a source of research material for this particular blog. But as I was waiting for another plate of wings (I ordered the all-you-can-eat wings), I noticed the pre-moistened napkins at my table. (They're in the same rack that holds the menus and the roll of paper towels.)

On one side of the package is the Hooters logo. On the other side was a short phrase of the type that I usually tag as "fortune-ish." I found two different ones at my table this time:

"Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."

I'll have to keep my eyes open the next time I go to Hooters.

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A Baci For Destressing

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In my last entry, I mentioned that I was in the process of cleaning my condo. I still haven't completed it, but at least the main reason for doing so is out of the way.

I had spent most of the last couple of weeks trying to clean the place. I won't go into details, but I was doing this because someone was paying a visit that lasted, at most, 15 minutes. I also spent a good portion of the last couple of weeks stressing out over the visit, for two reasons. First, there was the reason for the visit, which, as I said, I would rather not mention the sordid details. Second, I'm not really not that good a housekeeper. In fact, my housecleaning skills do not come up to the high exacting standards of Oscar Madison.

Yesterday was the visit, and I was cleaning up until about 10 minutes before my visitor arrived. At that point, I realized that I had completed as much as was going to be completed. And it was time to face the visit itself.

As you perhaps may have already guessed, I don't entertain. In fact, I tend to stress out when someone else is in my condo, which probably explains my somewhat . . . relaxed attitude toward housecleaning. If I remember correctly, the last person in my condo (other than me, of course) was a plumber sometime last year.

By the time my visitor left, I was in need of something to destress me. I recently read that two good ways of dealing with stress were sex and chocolate. Well, one of those is not a viable alternative, and it would probably take more chocolate than I could comfortably consume to ameliorate my stress levels at the time. Fortunately, simply getting out of the condo for a few hours handled things quite nicely.

While I was doing the cleaning, I discovered a box of Baci that had gotten buried under some other stuff. The box (and they) were slightly smashed, but were otherwise all right.

Unwrapping these Baci proved to be a slight challenge. After all, I didn't want to damage the love notes underneath the foil. And I was rewarded for my efforts with these notes:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire . . . But never doubt my love." -- William Shakespeare
"The woman does not exist of whose beauty all men shall agree upon." -- G. Leopardi

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