Birthday Fortune From The Orange Owl

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The last time I went to Hooters (which, I should point out, was the first time I had ever eaten there), I discovered that the pre-moistened napkins they have at the tables are printed with what I call fortune-ish phrases on one side. I told myself that the next time I dined at Hooters, I would need to keep an eye out for napkins that had different phrases.

Today, I went by my local Hooters again. I had signed up for their email club, and a few days ago, I received a birthday present -- a plate of 10 free wings. I had to use the coupon within a week of my birthday, so I decided to use it today.

Once I found a table, and had settled down, I took a look at the napkins in the rack. There were a couple of packets with the same phrases that I saw last time, but I also found three new fortune-ish packets in the assortment. Here's what they said:

"58.3% of statistics are made up."
"Bartender: Pharmacist with limited inventory."
"Insomnia is nothing to lose sleep over."

Interesting birthday present, to say the least.

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A Cookie-Less Fortune

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I found this fortune entirely by accident. I was in the library today, and I happened to be looking down when I noticed a tiny slip of paper on the floor. It was the fortune from a fortune cookie -- and there wasn't a cookie anywhere to be seen.

At first, I thought it might have been one of mine. I usually stick fortunes in the neck pouch that I use to keep my TARC pass handy. They usually stay there until I write about them here. But after a quick look at said neck pouch, it didn't look as though anything had fallen out of it. And I strongly suspect that more than just a single fortune would have fallen out if anything did.

I logged on here, and I did a quick scroll through some of my most recent entries. The fortune did not appear in any of those entries, so I am fairly safe in stating that I had not written about it -- until now, that is. Here's my unexpected discovery:

"Be cautious while walking in darkness alone."

You know, that's pretty good advice most of the time. Of course, if you're Batman, or a ninja, this probably doesn't apply to you.

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What's Really Being Stamped Out?

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Back in January, I wrote about a number of other platforms that just as easily convey the brief sentiments you find in the fortune of a fortune cookie. One of those is the button.

I've picked up dozens of buttons at SF conventions over the years. It's not that hard to do, especially when the dealer prices them like "$2 each, 3 for $5" or some similar discount for multiples. At that point, it becomes a question of how many do I really want to get this time, and once I have a quantity, which ones do I really want?

I was looking through the bag where I keep my buttons, and I decided to wear this one today. It appeals to my admittedly snarky sense of humor:

"HELP STAMP OUT UNICORNS -- walk a virgin home tonight."

The cynical side of me is saying, "Yeah, what are you really wanting to stamp out, pal?" The more or less non-cynical side of me is pretty much in agreement.

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The Wisdom Of An Owl

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At the moment, I'm sitting in Hooters. Normally, I would not have thought that this particular place would be a source of research material for this particular blog. But as I was waiting for another plate of wings (I ordered the all-you-can-eat wings), I noticed the pre-moistened napkins at my table. (They're in the same rack that holds the menus and the roll of paper towels.)

On one side of the package is the Hooters logo. On the other side was a short phrase of the type that I usually tag as "fortune-ish." I found two different ones at my table this time:

"Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."

I'll have to keep my eyes open the next time I go to Hooters.

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Here A Double . . .

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As I said yesterday, I mentioned that I had pulled another fortune cookie from the big bag. I also mentioned that I didn't have the fortune with me when I was writing the entry. Well, today I remembered to bring the fortune with me. And I quickly noticed that I had another duplicate on my hands:

"You have a deep interest in all that is artistic."

And once again, everything was duplicated. The lucky numbers on both fortunes were as follows:

07 11 12 15 20 24

And on the back of both fortunes was the same Chinese word/phrase. It was "baseball," which according to this fortune, is "bong cho" in Chinese.

You know, I really hope that I am not going to be running into only a dozen or so fortunes over and over again throughout the bag. For one thing, it would kind of ruin the whole purpose of my buying the bag of fortune cookies. For another, it would get a little boring after a while. And for yet another, after a while, it's going to get a little difficult thinking up new ways to write about the same fortune yet again.

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Totally Random

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I made what I thought was a rather interesting and random discovery last night. It happened because I realized I hadn't posted anything for a couple of weeks. (Unfortunately, I don't have the fortune with me, so that entry will have to wait for tomorrow.) When I pulled a fortune cookie out of the big bag, I noticed that it might have been a little stale.

I decided that I would see if I could do something to make the cookie a little crisper. My first thought was to place it in the microwave for about 10 seconds. And that is what I did.

The results were not quite what I expected. The zapping did not make the cookie crisper. As a matter of fact, it had the opposite effect -- it became softer. In fact, the cookie became rather pliable, to the point where I could unfold it to remove the fortune.

Now, here is something you might not have known. The fortune cookie is circular. The fortune is placed in the center of the cookie, then it is folded in thirds, parallel to the long edge of the fortune. The cookie is then folded more or less in half to get the familiar shape.

I'll have to try another tactic to make the cookies crisp again. I'll keep you posted.

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Just Long Isn't Enough

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I just realized that it has been a month since I last posted something. Well, I can say that I have been busy. In any event, it looks like it's time to go back to the big bag of fortune cookies. And this time, the fortune says:

"Long life is in store for you."

Just as long as I will be able to properly enjoy that long life; that's all I'm asking.

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Missing The Mark With THAT Fortune

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Tra-la, it's May, the rainy month of May . . . well, that's what it's looking like at the moment. Last month was Louisville's wettest April on record, and it looks like May is trying to continue that theme.

I pulled a fortune cookie out of the big bag yesterday. Even though I had the fortune with me, I forgot to write about it. Well, time to correct that. The fortune from this cookie read as follows:

"You have a friendly heart and are well admired."

Okay, every once in a while, you get a fortune that leaves you wondering, because you know it can't be talking about you.

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I'm Beginning To Sense A Pattern Here

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A few days ago, I reached into the bag of fortune cookies, and once again, I encountered a fortune for the second time:

"All your hard work will soon pay off."

And as on the previous occasions, this one was a true duplicate. Here are the lucky numbers from both fortunes:

02 06 09 19 26 33

The Chinese word on the back of both was "Gift/Present," which translates (at least on the fortune) as "li woo."

Now I'm beginning to wonder. Just how many different fortunes does this bag contain? And how many duplicates will I be running into while I go through this bag of fortune cookies?

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That's A Little Reassuring

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Today, we return to the bag of fortune cookies from GFS. Here's what the latest fortune had to say:

"You should be able to make money and hold on to it."

Not if the Democrats have anything to say about it. The holding on part, anyway. They seem to think that we exist solely to fuel their fantasies of redistributing wealth.

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Interested In Art, Yes

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Earlier today, I decided that it was time to reach into the big bag of fortune cookies once again. Instead of just grabbing a cookie from the top of the bag, I reached down a little for today's fortune:

"You have a deep interest in all that is artistic."

That rather depends on how you define art. A crucifix in a bottle of urine isn't art; it's just someone's calculated attempt to see if he can get some people really, really irritated. And a really piss-poor one at that.

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It Did Wish More Than Once

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I dipped into the big bag of fortune cookies earlier today, and I pulled out another fortune that I previously encountered:

"If you wish to, you will have an opportunity."

And as was the case with the last duplicate I pulled out of this bag, it was a true duplicate. The lucky numbers on both fortunes were:

20 21 32 33 45 51

And this time, the mini-lesson in Chinese was a phrase. The phrase was "Have you any question?", which was transliterated as "NI you wenti ma?"

As for the fortune, yes, I would really wish to have an opportunity. Please have it shipped to my condo by UPS. Thank you very much.

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Greetings Of The Day

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As I've mentioned before, today is not the best time for a new entry here. With half the Internet trying to pull some kind of joke on the other half, April Fools Day is never a good time to mention whatever fortune I most recently found in a fortune cookie.

If I found something completely outrageous, or incredibly funny, no one is going to believe me. One look at the date stamp, and the response is, "Yeah, right."

On the other hand, something completely run-of-the-mill is likely to be met with disbelief as well. Again, a quick glance at the date stamp (assuming that you're not fully aware of what the day is) earns a response of, "Is that the best you could do?"

So, I've decided that the best approach is to acknowledge the day, and state that I'm taking the day off from engaging in fortune cookie philosophy. Other than not posting an entry. But I do feel the urge to post something.

And since I conclude my April Fools Day entries with an observation or bit of advice on the day, here's my thought this year:

April Fools Day is the one day of the year when everyone seems to think they are Allen Funt.

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Get Back To Where You Once Belong

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As I've mentioned in the last couple of entries, I had been cleaning my condo in a semi-mad frenzied rush. I've been taking a break since last Thursday, mainly because I was just a little burned out, and I was needing something to restore what I laughingly refer to as my sanity.

Early this morning, I walked by the big bag of fortune cookies, and decided that it was time to pull out another cookie. I saw one on top that was partially broken, and further decided that it would be the cookie of the day. (For some reason, these cookies are not individually wrapped. I suspect that by the time I reach the end of the bag, I will be faced with a layer of fortune cookie fragments.)

Here is the fortune from today's cookie:

"You should be able to undertake and complete anything."

Hmmmm . . . I think the cookie is telling me that it's time to get back to cleaning.

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A Baci For Destressing

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In my last entry, I mentioned that I was in the process of cleaning my condo. I still haven't completed it, but at least the main reason for doing so is out of the way.

I had spent most of the last couple of weeks trying to clean the place. I won't go into details, but I was doing this because someone was paying a visit that lasted, at most, 15 minutes. I also spent a good portion of the last couple of weeks stressing out over the visit, for two reasons. First, there was the reason for the visit, which, as I said, I would rather not mention the sordid details. Second, I'm not really not that good a housekeeper. In fact, my housecleaning skills do not come up to the high exacting standards of Oscar Madison.

Yesterday was the visit, and I was cleaning up until about 10 minutes before my visitor arrived. At that point, I realized that I had completed as much as was going to be completed. And it was time to face the visit itself.

As you perhaps may have already guessed, I don't entertain. In fact, I tend to stress out when someone else is in my condo, which probably explains my somewhat . . . relaxed attitude toward housecleaning. If I remember correctly, the last person in my condo (other than me, of course) was a plumber sometime last year.

By the time my visitor left, I was in need of something to destress me. I recently read that two good ways of dealing with stress were sex and chocolate. Well, one of those is not a viable alternative, and it would probably take more chocolate than I could comfortably consume to ameliorate my stress levels at the time. Fortunately, simply getting out of the condo for a few hours handled things quite nicely.

While I was doing the cleaning, I discovered a box of Baci that had gotten buried under some other stuff. The box (and they) were slightly smashed, but were otherwise all right.

Unwrapping these Baci proved to be a slight challenge. After all, I didn't want to damage the love notes underneath the foil. And I was rewarded for my efforts with these notes:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire . . . But never doubt my love." -- William Shakespeare
"The woman does not exist of whose beauty all men shall agree upon." -- G. Leopardi

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I Really Hope So

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I pulled another fortune cookie out of the bag today. Here's the fortune:

"All your hard work will soon pay off."

At the moment, I'm in the process of cleaning my condo. It will be nice when the payoff does finally arrive.

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I Hope It Wishes More Than Once

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I felt in the mood, so I pulled another fortune cookie from the bag. Here's today's fortune:

"If you wish to, you will have an opportunity."

Okay, I'm wishing. Among other things, I'm wishing that I will recognize said opportunity once it finally appears.

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I Hope She's Cute, Too

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Time once again to reach into the mailbag . . . uh, make that the big bag of fortune cookies. Here's the fortune that was in today's cookie:

"Your future brings cheerful company and merry times."

I'm hoping that said cheerful company is female, and the merry times include the sharing of fortunes from fortune cookies.

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Feeling Like Karen Carpenter

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I reached into the big bag with just the slightest amount of trepidation. I couldn't get the same fortune three times in a row, could I? What were the odds on that happening? (Yeah, I know the quote: "Never tell me the odds!")

As it turns out, there was an entirely different fortune in this cookie:

"Soon you will be sitting on the top of the world."

Okay. And will I be looking down on creation while I'm on the top of the world?


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Not A Sad Song, Either

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When I came up with the idea of Project GFS1, I figured that I would encounter a duplicate fortune. The bag did start with 160 fortune cookies; it would be reasonable to assume that there are at least a couple of duplicates in the bag.

I just didn't think it would happen this quickly.

Here's the fortune from the cookie I pulled out of the bag yesterday:

"Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances."

Not only is the fortune the same; this time, it is an exact duplicate. The lucky numbers are the same:

06 13 17 25 43 46

And you might notice that some fortune cookies teach you a word or two of Chinese. The fortunes in these cookies do, and the word was the same in both instances. The word was "chopstick," which they transliterated as quite ze.

Time to start wondering how soon it will be before I encounter another duplicate. Or is encountering a triplicate too far-fetched to contemplate?

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Apparently Not A Warm Puppy

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Today seemed like a good day to pull a fortune cookie out of the bag. So that's what I did, and here's the fortune:

"Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances."

Sounds to me like that old song lyric, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." Or at least a variation on that theme.

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Introducing Project GFS1

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Remember last entry, when I said that I already had something to replace the now-depleted bag of fortune cookies that my friend Linda gave me? I've been meaning to write about this for a couple of weeks now, and I finally got my butt in gear today.

This little project actually started February 3 -- Chinese New Year. When I went to Jefferson Mall, I also made a swing by the nearby GFS. Now, if you're unfamiliar with Gordon Food Service, I've occasionally described it as a great place to go if you're planning a party. Need to buy ketchup, chocolate syrup, soy sauce, or barbecue sauce by the gallon? GFS is the place to go. Planning a room party at your favorite sf convention, and need to feed a few hundred of your closest friends (some of whom you have just met for the first time)? You can find what you need at GFS. Trust me.

In a couple of previous visits to GFS, I noticed that they carried fortune cookies -- in bulk. More than likely, this is what your local Chinese restaurant buys when they get fortune cookies. After one visit, I thought that this might be an interesting source of material for this blog. If I haven't been in the mood for Chinese for a while, I can still write an entry. All I have to do is pull out a fortune cookie, and voila, instant entry.

As you probably have already guessed, I purchased a whole bunch of fortune cookies that day. "A whole bunch" in this case was a bag containing 160 fortune cookies. This bag should last me quite a while. Even if I didn't use any other source material for this blog, I could have enough entries for most of the year. (And I do plan to have using other sources. sooner or later, I'm going to have a craving for Chinese.)

As I said, it's about time I started using these cookies for the reason I bought them. Here is the first of many, many fortunes from that bag:

"You should be able to undertake and complete anything."

Hmmmm, kind of appropriate for a first entry, now that I think about it.

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Linda Collection 8

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Well, I have finally reached the last of the fortune cookies that my friend Linda gave me. So unless Linda shows up at a club meeting with another big bag of fortune cookies, this will probably be the last Linda Collection.

Looking back, I see that I made the cookies last over two years. More importantly, these last cookies didn't taste stale, so it seems I didn't have to worry all much on that account. And I have decided on a replacement for the Linda Collection entries (more on that in a future entry). So for now, I present the fortunes (with comments by me in parentheses):

"You are a bundle of energy, always on the go."
(Well, most of the time, anyway.)

"You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment."
(Sounds promising.)

"Your dearest dream is coming true."
(You mean the identical triplet majorettes?)

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Happenstance, Coincidence, . . . ?

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"Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life."

This makes the second time that I have discovered the same fortune twice in a batch of fortune cookies that I have bought. Granted, this isn't going to happen to most people. Most people probably aren't going to be picking up fortune cookies in bulk. Or if they are, the odds are more likely that they will probably be doing it for a party, and that they will not be opening all the cookies by themselves.

The last time this happened to me, I decided that the odds on something like this happening were along the lines of "astronomical." I also said that getting more specific would take someone like Charlie Eppes of the TV series Numb3rs to do the actual math.

Obviously, I need to redefine my idea of astronomical odds.

At the moment, I'm thinking of Ian Fleming's Goldfinger, and a line from the titular character: "Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action." I've seen a number of variations on this theme; one that might fit this instance more accurately is, "Once is an event, twice is circumstance, three times is a pattern."

It didn't surprise me the first time I encountered a fortune for the second time. I suspect that this sort of thing happens more often than people realize. I'm just noticing it because I hang on to my fortunes. Getting two at the same time was surprising -- and having it happen twice was even more so. Now, I find myself wondering how long it might be before it happens again.

I suppose the answer to that question depends on how often I buy a batch of fortunes.

Like the other duplicates, this pair had different sets of lucky numbers. But this particular company printed two sets of numbers on the back. One was "Daily Numbers," which was numbers for Pick 3, while the other set was the usual set of six numbers. Here's the numbers listed on one fortune:

Daily Numbers: 8 5 5
Lotto: 25 18 38 32 23 37

And here are the numbers from the other fortune:

Daily Numbers: 0 3 4
Lotto: 21 31 08 05 46 12

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Eh, Happy New Year, Doc!

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If the title doesn't make any particular sense, imagine Bugs Bunny saying it.

Today is the Chinese New Year. Specifically, it is the Year Of The Rabbit, which is why I chose a title referencing that Oscar-winning rabbit.

Last year, I discovered that ordering takeout from a Chinese restaurant might not be the best idea. Oh well, at least it didn't fall on Super Bowl Sunday. That would probably be chaos squared, at the very least.

I went by Jefferson Mall today. After visiting the food court, I concluded that mall food court Chinese restaurants probably don't deal with the same sort of insanity on the Chinese New Year. The traffic at Max Orient -- indeed, the entire food court -- seemed to be fairly normal. Of course, when I made my stop, it was just after the usual lunch hour, and it was way too early for the dinner crowd.

I didn't have any fortunes on me, and I thought I should post some sort of entry today. So, as you may have guessed, I made a swing by Max Orient just to pick up some fortune cookies. I picked up my usual half dozen for $1, and I nibbled on the cookies after catching TARC.

Here are the fortunes, with some editorial comment by me (in parentheses):

"At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment."
(Okay, what happens after that?)

"Depart not from the path which fate has you assigned."
(How do you know that fate has assigned you a particular path until and unless you try to depart from it?)

"The best prophet of the future is the past."
(Those who do not learn from history, etc., etc.)

"When winter comes heaven will rain success on you."
(So far this winter, all heaven has rained on Louisville has been rain -- and snow.)

"Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life."
"Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life."
(Yeah, I got two cookies with the same fortune. I'm not sure if this means I should pay more attention to this one or not. I'll probably be writing another entry on this fortune later.)

And even though the Year Of The Pig was four years ago, I think it appropriate to end with the words of Bugs's friend Porky Pig:

"Th-Th-Th-That's All, Folks!"

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